In this episode, Andy talks with Steven T. Collis, a law professor and author of Habits of a Peacemaker: 10 Habits to Change Our Potentially Toxic Conversations into Healthy Dialogues.’ They discuss the increasing polarization in society, and challenges in having healthy dialogues at work and in personal life. Steven introduces ten habits from his book aimed at transforming potentially toxic conversations into healthy dialogues.

The conversation covers topics such as the importance of intellectual humility, seeking real learning, assuming the best about others, and practical strategies for engaging in productive discourse. Steven also shares personal stories and scenarios to illustrate how these habits can be applied, including dealing with difficult family members and controlling emotions.

With all of today’s political polarization and conflicts at work, this book is a must-read for aspiring leaders to help them at work and beyond.

Sound Bites

  • “My brother could pick a fight with a wall when he was growing up.”
  • “It’s not enough to simply stop; you have to replace it with something else.”
  • “Being a peacemaker means having productive dialogues about hard topics.”
  • “We use a lot of slogans in our society and a lot of catchphrases, and chief among them is diversity, equity, and inclusion.”
  • “Could there be something else that’s motivating this person besides my assumption that they’re acting out of bad motives?”
  • “If you’re just an argumentative jerk, you’re probably never going to persuade anybody.”
  • “It’s easy to be judgmental of other people, but we know so little about each other and about what’s happening in our lives.”
  • “We have to actually put in extra effort to free ourselves from these echo chambers.”

Chapters

  • 00:00 Introduction
  • 02:04 Start Of Interview
  • 02:22 Steven’s Background And Family Influence
  • 05:34 Defining A Peacemaker
  • 06:54 Navigating Potentially Toxic Work Conversation About Dei
  • 10:14 Fights Into Treasure Hunts
  • 12:48 How Technology, Social Media, And Dopamine Impact Dialogue
  • 16:19 Seeking Real Learning And Avoiding Echo Chambers
  • 20:44 Assuming The Best In Difficult Conversations
  • 25:21 Handling Political Differences At Family Gatherings
  • 28:25 Understanding Gaslighting
  • 31:18 Applying Habits At Home
  • 34:05 Wrap Up
  • 34:27 Andy Comments After The Interview
  • 38:32 Outtakes

Learn More

You can learn more about Steven and his books at StevenTCollis.com.

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Thank you for joining me for this episode of The People and Projects Podcast!

Talent Triangle: Power Skills

Topics: Project Management, Leadership, Conflict, Diversity, Inclusion, Communication, Stress, Difficult Conversations, Stakeholder Management

The following music was used for this episode:

Music: Ignotus by Agnese Valmaggia
License (CC BY 4.0): https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Music: Synthiemania by Frank Schroeter
License (CC BY 4.0): https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

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